Checking My Marbles

You know you are aging when you get “cognitive tests” at your doctor’s office. They want to see if your marbles are all there. I noticed this started happening about the time I turned 70. 

Checking My Marbles Test

I was shocked, but tried not to look shocked when the medical assistant walked in, smiled, and said, “I need to give you a test.”

“What kind of a test?” I felt a few quivers in my stomach.

The young woman shrugged. “Oh, nothing big. Easy. Ten questions. That’s it.”

Oh, great. Ten questions. How long had it been since I’d had a test? 40 years ago?

“OK, ready, shoot,” I said, trying to sound as confident as any 50 or 60-year-old. After all, I was sure I didn’t look over 60 . . . .well, not over 65, at least.

Remembering Unrelated Words

“Remember these three unrelated words, and at the end of the questions, I will ask you to repeat them back in order.”

Yikes! What? Remember words? And in order? This sounded like a nightmare! Listen, ask me about diving under my school desk during the Cold War. Or listening to President John F. Kennedy on TV. How about Bullwinkle the Moose or Rocky the Flying Squirrel? Or ask me details about who performed at Woodstock. No problem, my memory is as sharp as a tack. Quick on the draw. Checking my marbles would be a cinch!

 While I agonized over the three words, I nearly missed the first question. “What is your name?”

Ha ha. No brainer. Easy.

“Where do you live?” Easy peasy. “Which county do you live in?” Well, duh.

But then she handed me two sheets. “Copy this geometric drawing onto your paper.”

No problem normally, but I was shaky trying to remember the three words from earlier. Did she say “tree”? Did she say “number”? What was the last word?
A bad moment came when she asked me the year. I almost forgot the year had changed. “2024 . . . . no, 2025.” Now what were the three words?

Finally, she said, “OK, what were the three words I gave you? Give them to me in order.” Feeling sweat on my brow, my hands clammy, and my stomach in knots, I slowly gave them to her, hoping for the best.

She nodded, “Good! 100 percent!” She wrote something down, as I almost collapsed in the office.

Whew, I still had my marbles.

Asking about End-of-Life Issues

The assistant left, and my doctor walked in. After greetings, she took out a sheet of paper. “Linda, have we gone over end-of-life issues, yet?

End of life? “Uh no, I don’t think so,” I said slowly. “What were you thinking about?”

My gosh, I must look ancient, I thought. First, a test, and now end of life. I must look like I have one foot in the grave. I felt my body slump.

“Well, let’s say you are outside our clinic and suffer a sudden heart attack. Would you want to be resuscitated?” I saw she had a straight face. This was not a joke.

“Are you kidding?” I asked. “Yes, of course, I want to be revived! I’m not ready to kick the bucket, yet!” Trying to be funny.

She didn’t smile one bit. Just jotted something down. I figured she wrote “Patient says to resuscitate if suffers cardiac arrest.”

At least I still had my marbles!

Conversation With Ron

Feeling drained after my appointment, I drove home. “Ron,” I said to my husband, “I passed my test! 100 percent! I’m smarter than you think!”

Ron said, “What kind of a test?”

“Personal questions.” Ron said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well, like my name, my city, my county . . . .”

Ron snorted loudly. “Wow, that’s not much of a test. Anyone should be able to do that.”

Then I added, “Well, I had to remember three unrelated words and repeat them later.”

“Really?” Now Ron looked surprised. “And you could remember them? What were they?”

I paused. My mind had gone into cold storage. “Well, don’t expect me to remember them now!”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Yes, dear.”